A Little Problem With Polyjuice
by AspergianStoryteller
Summary: They're testing the effects of Polyjuice Potion in class - something had to go wrong. T for slight corse language and just in case.


Title: A Little Problem With Polyjuice.

Author: AspergianStoryteller.

Genre: Humour/Drama.

Summary: They're testing the effects of Polyjuice in class – something _had_ to go wrong. Don't own Harry Potter. T for a bit of swearing.

'Good morning, class!' Professor Slughorn set his velvet bag down on his desk. 'I know you're all excited and ready to begin, but let's run through our check list first.'

Slughorn favoured clothes and bags made from velvet or satin, Harry noticed, idly. Soft and shiny and rich, like the man himself. His boots looked soft too – like day slippers. Snape however, preferred leather or dragonhide for boots, and what looked like cotton and leather in his robes. Harry had seen lace on Snape's shirts on special occasions though.

Oh bugger. There he was going on about fabric again.

'Is everyone wearing old, roomy, _decent_ clothes?' There was a chorus of scattered 'Yes sirs' and 'Yeahs.'

'Including shoes and underwear?'

'_Yes,_' and 'Circe, yes,' and 'Hee hee, I'm not _wearing_ underwear...'

Remembering his previous encounter with a Polyjuice Potion transformation, Harry was wearing the biggest clothes he had from Dudley, in case he turned into Crabbe or Goyle, the largest in the class. The leather jacket came down to his knees and had sleeves so long and wide they kept slipping down over his hands like Oriental robes. His jeans were held up with rope and his sneakers had to be charmed to stay on.

Draco Malfoy regained some of his spirit when Harry turned up to Potions dressed in his cousin's clothes.

'Merlin, Potter,' he exclaimed incredulously. 'What on earth are you _wearing?_ Is that something Hagrid wore in his youth?' Several students laughed while Harry's face burned.

It was embarrassing, a throwback to primary school, but they were some of the only clothes that wouldn't rip if he turned into someone really big. No human at Hogwarts was large enough to stretch Dudley's biggest cast-offs.

Besides, Harry liked denim. He liked most fabrics really. Including feathers; one of his favourite coats had feathers sewn on it like wings.

Harry blamed Aunt Petunia. She was the one who gave him a booklet about fabric for his eighth birthday and made him do laundry. Cold soak for wool with mild detergent. Gently lather moisturising soap – only a bit – onto finished leather with a damp cloth then wipe it away and polish with a dry towel. Rub with leather conditioner when completely dry. Wonder how soon Dudley would outgrow it.

Slughorn took a small, metal box from his bag.

'If anyone is wearing jewellery or hair ornamentation please put it in here so it doesn't break. The box will be locked until class ends.' Several students went up to put watches and hair ties in Slughorn's box but Harry decided to hang on to his glasses until the transformation.

'Mr Weasley, your permission form?'

'Yeah.' Ron gave Slughorn a bit of parchment with his mum's signature and came back to their shared desk.

'So the Dusleys actually signed your form?' he asked, eyebrows up.

'I just wrote we were testing a dangerous potion,' Harry said. 'I also told them it would taste awful.'

Hermione frowned, but didn't comment on it.

'Alright everyone, sit still while I pass out the potion and the hairs.' Slughorn placed a goblet of Polyjuice (the seventh years' latest N.E.W.T. project) in front of each student and a small plate with a few hairs. Only Slughorn, the people whose hair it was and the house elves who collected them knew who each hair belonged to.

'Looks as appetising as I remember,' Ron muttered, dropping long, black hairs into his goblet. It turned a reddish colour. 'I hope I don't turn into McGonagall or Snape.' He shuddered.

'I don't think anyone from the Order will have donated hairs,' Hermione said, watching her potion turn bright blue. 'Just students, non-Order staff and villagers probably.' She smiled mischievously.

'What are you smiling about?' Ron asked, worried.

Hermione smirked.

'Are you all ready?' Slughorn called. 'After three now. One,'

Harry took his glasses off and grabbed his potion. It was green.

'Two,' though, it shone red in the torch light.

'One. Go!'

Gulp!

Just like when he was twelve, Harry's stomach churned and his skin bubbled. He felt bones lengthening and saw skin pale. When it was over, he was taller by a few inches,

but not thicker. Dudley's clothes still sagged around him.

Looking around, he saw that Hermione had turned into a old man Harry didn't know; probably a villager. Ron had shrunk nearly two feet to become Cho Chang. Draco was now a little blond girl from Hufflepuff. Pansy Parkinson, to their amusement, was clutching her (currently Professor Sprout's) face in horror. Blaise Zabini was an unknown man.

'I feel so strange,' Hermione muttered, feeling her white hair. 'I'm a _man_.'

'Oh Merlin!' Ron cried. 'I'm a girl! I- I'm the girl who snogged you, Harry!'

_'That's_ the first thing you think of?'

'I- well- I don't-' Ron huffed. 'Oh forget it. Bloody hell, I'm a _girl_.'

'Don't you even _think_ about peeking under your robes,' Hermione warned him.

'I won't if you won't,' he shot back. Hermione went red. Her form had rosy cheeks already.

'I wouldn't peek at someone else's body,' she sniffed. 'We're not allowed to anyway.'

'Are you sure?' Harry teased her. 'Aren't you curious?'

The red spread to Hermione's ears. She shook her head.

'He's old,' Ron said. 'Hey, I'm the shortest for once.' He was right. As Cho, Ron was now the shortest of the trio instead of the tallest. Harry and Hermione were about the same height normally, but now she was a bit taller.

'I don't recognise this man,' she said. 'He's probably from Hogsmead, or a parent.'

'A parent?' Ron was running his hands through his hair, fascinated by the silkiness.

Hermione grinned.

'I don't know who exactly, but a few parents donated hairs to our project. Including _muggle_ parents. Some of the Slytherins are probably muggles now.'

Ron laughed.

'That's wicked!' he crowed. 'Hey, do you think they can still do magic like that?'

'They can. I asked Professor Slughorn. And muggles can't use magic even if they're Polyjuiced into wizards or witches.' The professor was still close to the front, helping a girl who hadn't expected to outgrow her robes.

'This is so weird,' Harry grinned. 'It's like second year again, sort of. And us, talking like this but we look different. A villager, Cho and whoever I am. Do you guys recognise me?'

They shook their heads.

'It's strange. This voice is familiar, but I can't remember. It's like it's on the tip of my tongue.'

'You're a teenage boy,' Hermione pointed out. 'Close to our age.'

'Tall,' Ron added. 'Black hair. Actually, you look kind of like you.'

'Who are you three?' Dean asked from the desk in front of them. He'd Polyjuiced into Alica.

He didn't know Harry and Hermione's forms either, but he laughed at Ron.

'You do look pretty fine though, Harry. Oi, check it out. I think either Crabbe or Goyle turned in Luna.'

'If you're all fine,' Slughorn returned to the front of the classroom, 'you may talk quietly and do any homework you have.'

'Aw, can't we have free time outside?' someone asked.

The teacher shook his head.

'I'm afraid not,' he chuckled. 'I know what sort of mischief you're thinking of.'

Hermione took out her Arithmancy homework while Ron and Harry played Ultimate Hangman, with five people to hang and sentences of ancient runes to decode.

'Sowilo?'

Harry shook his head and drew a torso.

'Kenaz?'

'Nope.' Harry drew a leg. 'You're nearly dead.'

'Thurisaz?' Ron asked desperately.

'Damn. Okay, my turn. Eihwaz?'

Ron sighed and drew it in the space.

'Alright, Ansuz?'

'No...' Harry's quill hovered over the almost complete hanging man. If this one died, Ron would have to spell an extra word to fight a toad.

'Um... Ansuz reversed!'

'Thought I had you there...'

'Yes!'

Hermione turned her head to shush them and saw their parchment.

'Sowilo, Eihwaz, Thurisaz, Eihwaz, Ansuz Merkstave...' she read. 'The runes I understand, but what does the rest of this mean?'

'We're trying to hang each other's men,' Ron explained. 'This one here,' he pointed it out, 'if he hangs, I have to unlock the word to stopping Harry's toad, and if I kill his beater,' there was a half complete stick figure hanging from a broomstick, 'he looses two life points.'

Hermione gaped at them.

'What?' Ron frowned with Cho's pretty face. 'Just because we don't take Ancient Runes...'

Shaking her head, Hermione noticed a completed hangman game with a completely different structure and writing at the top of the parchment.

'What did you do with this one?' It looked like a chessboard city, with chess pieces and snakes. The writing was Ancient Greek.

'War in Chess City,' Harry said. 'With Ancient Greek. And a riddle to solve.'

'And the snakes?'

'Invaders. The chessmen had to join forces to stop them.'

'Care to join us?' Ron offered. 'I bet it's more fun than homework.'

'I'm almost finished.'

'Join in when you're done then. Blimey, Mione. That looks like a nightmare.'

'It isn't really. They're only fractions.'

'Like if Ron eats half a pie and I eat a fifth,' Harry piped up, 'there's... three tenths left for you?'

'I'm glad you remember our lessons,' Hermione laughed. 'But why don't you eat more than a fifth? Is it a big pie?'

'No, I already ate a treacle tart.'

Hermione joined Ultimate Hangman and soon Harry was defeated by Ron's head for strategy and Hermione's superior knowledge of the Elder Futhark. Never mind. He kicked arse with Kanji.

XXX xxx XXX

'Having fun?' Professor Slughorn wandered by their desk twenty five minutes into class. 'My my, what game is this?'

'Ultimate Hangman, sir,' Ron said.

'It looks very interesting.'

'Want to play?'

'I don't see why not. Oo, who did I nearly sit on?'

'Harry's getting more ink from his bag,' Ron stuck his head under their desk. 'Oi Harry, why don't you summon it?'

'Summon it? Oh! Merlin I'm an idiot!' Harry mumbled. 'Six years here and I still think like a muggle...'

Slughorn flinched.

'Sir?' Hermione inquired.

**'Accio** inkpot. Oph!' Harry hit his head on the desk bottom and bumped into legs on his way up. 'Oh hi, professor. You're playing too? Professor?'

Professor Slughorn was starring at Harry in horror. His face was rapidly draining of colour.

'I-i-i-impossible,' he squeaked.

'Sir? Is something wrong?'

'You're not- Tom?'

Harry froze. He was getting a bad feeling, like his heart was jumpy. Hermione seemed to be thinking the same thing; she conjured a hand mirror and passed it to Harry.

'No way.' He clutched the mirror so hard it cracked. He could still see it. Black hair. Pale skin. Dark eyes. Handsome, aristocratic features and a tall frame. He'd gone and Polyjuiced into Tom Riddle. Voldemort's teenage self.

XXX xxx XXX

'How the hell did this happen?' Harry gasped, begining to freak out. 'I thought the hairs all came from volunteers.' Voldemort didn't even _have_ hair to donate.

'What's going on?' Ron asked. 'Who did you turn into, Harry?' Hermione whispered in his ear. He went pale.

'Are you _serious?_' he shrieked. _'Him?'_

'Shh!'

'Sorry! But how?'

'I don't know,' Harry muttered. 'I don't know how or where his hair came from - he doesn't have any now.' This was so weird!

'Bloody hell.'

'What's wrong with Professor Slughorn?' Dean asked.

'Um, I think he's had a bit of a shock,' Hermione said, thinking fast. 'Harry resembles a reletive the professor hasn't seen in a long time.'

'It was the house elves who got the hairs, right?' Ron remembered. 'Why don't we ask them what happened?'

'Good thinking,' Hermione vanished the broken mirror in Harry's hand. She turned back to Slughorn. 'Are you alright, sir?'

'Yes, yes,' he murmured. 'Just shocked. I never thought to see that face again.'

Against the back wall of the classroom Ron and Harry summoned Dobby and asked him about the hairs.

'Dobby does not remember last night very well,' the little elf said.

Ron and Harry exchanged a worried look.

'What can you remember?' Harry asked.

Dobby rubbed his head under his blue beanie.

'It was late,' he muttered. 'Dobby recalls a large, wet room.' A large, wet room. What rooms at Hogwarts were large and wet? Harry could think of one, but that wasn't possible. Only he could get in.

'Can you remember anything else about the room?' he pressed. 'Was it dark? In a tower or a dungeon?'

'In the dungeons Dobby thinks, sir. Because Dobby was wet when he returned. That is all Dobby can remember right now, sir. Dobby is sorry.'

'That's okay. Does your head hurt?' Harry noticed the elf rub his head and wince again.

'Harry Potter is so kind to notice poor Dobby's ails!' Dobby hugged Harry's legs. 'Dobby's head pounds like he has been hit with a frying pan! But Dobby will be alright.'

They had better wrap this up quickly, people were staring and trying to overhear.

'Thanks, Dobby,' he gently pulled him off. 'Why don't you go and rest now?' Dobby squeezed Harry again then vanished with a _CRACK!_

'So we don't know how excatly,' he told Ron and Hermione quietly. 'Do you reckon he was enchanted?'

'Could be,' Ron rubbed his chin. 'Said his head was pounding. Sounds like a hangover to me.'

'Dobby was drunk? I'm not sure I can see that.'

Ron shrugged.

'It's possible. I thought he smelled like Butterbeer.'

'Okay, if he was drunk...' Harry ran the senario through his head. 'Where did he get the hair from? I look like Riddle from the diary.'

'The Slytherin dorms?' Hermione guessed. 'But that was fifty years ago. Surely any hairs would have been cleaned away long ago.'

'I'd say the Chamber, except, I'm the only one here who can open it. If house elves could just apparate in they'd have found it ages ago.'

'Maybe you left it open?' Ron wondered.

Harry shook his head.

'Someone would have noticed.'

'Well however it happened we should tell Professor Dumbledore.' Hermione decided. 'This could be very serious.'

'Now?'

'The sooner we get started the better. Professor?'

XXX xxx XXX

'I didn't notice anything amiss, Albus,' Professor Slughorn said. 'The house elves put the hairs, in named vials right in this rack. Harry should have turned into Professor - I mean, Mr kettleburn.'

Professor Dumbledore peered closely at the test tube rack in Slughorn's class-office. Harry, Ron and Hermione watched him.

'I see. If you don't mind, Horrace, I would like to check something.'

'Not at all, Albus.'

Dumbledore summoned a house elf they didn't know and asked her to try apparating into the Chamber of Secrets briefly, assuring her it was safe.

_CRACK!_

Dumbledore twiddled his thumbs and looked at Harry.

'I imagine you were quite surprised to see that face in a mirror, Harry,' he said.

Harry nodded.

'Not as surprised as Professor Slughorn was. Sorry, sir.'

Slughorn wiped his face with a green, silk handkerchief.

'No need to apologise, Harry. It wasn't your fault. I must have rather shocked you with my reaction.' He wiped his face again. Silk was soft, but Harry wondered why anyone would want to have a handky made of it. Wouldn't it feel like wiping your nose on a nice gown? Voldemort seemed to favour silk, he thought, remembering that every time they met or when he saw him in a vision, the man always wore black silk robes. Would Harry, in this Polyjuiced form of Voldemort, albeit the younger, unmutated version, prefer the touch of silk to other fabrics?

The silence was broken suddenly by Ron giggling.

'Hey, Harry,' he snickered.

'Yeah?'

'Some of them in there were saying how hot you look like that. Imagine the looks on their faces if they knew who they were checking out!'

Harry snorted with surprised laughter.

_CRACK! _

'The main entrance to the Chamber, in the bathroom is closed, sir,' Minni the house elf squeaked. 'But a few smaller entrances are open, sir. This was not so before.'

Dumbledore nodded.

'Thank you, Minni. You may return your work now.' She bowed and disapparated.

'Putting together these stories,' he addressed the office's occupents, 'I imagine a few of Tom's hairs have long been left in the Chamber and that their collection was a mistake. Triplet elves were born at Hogwarts last night, a cause for celebration I'm sure.'

Harry, Ron and Hermione looked at him with raised eyebrows and open mouths.

'So no harm done, save for a shock. I trust you will close the Chamber, Harry? I would prefer if you were the one able to access it.'

'I'll go now if you want,' Harry said, wondering how long it would take him to find all the entrances.

'In the weekend will be an opportune time. I'll join you. For now though, perhaps you three can teach Professor Slughorn and I the rules of your parchment game?'

XXX xxx XXX

The night before...

'Solly must be going now,' Solly slipped from the crowd of happy, celebrating house elves. 'Solly nearly forgot to fetch Mr Kettleburn's hair sample.'

'Dobby will go for you,' Dobby offered. 'Solly should get some rest after today.' He handed Solly his goblet. 'Dobby will be back soon.'

_CRACK! _

XXX xxx XXX

'Oh Merlin,' Pansy breathed. She slipped an Extendable Ear back in her robe pocket. 'Guys, you won't believe what just happened.'

'What?' Blaise flicked Draco's blond curls.

'It turns out Potter Polyjuiced into _the Dark Lord's teenage form!_'

XXX xxx XXX

This might become a short multi-chapter fic when I get the time.


End file.
